Giving Back

This week has been one of trying to give back to the communities that I have received so much from. The way I see it, the steps break down roughly into surrender (1-3), inventory (4-7), amends (8-9), continued maintenance (10-11) and possibly the most important, working with others (12). As I've described before, there are at least two major philosophical camps in A.A., one that believes the meetings (a.k.a. "the fellowship") are the program, and the other that believes the steps are the program. While at the P. House, my great grandsponsor told us that the 12th step is actually the program, and it makes sense to me. Without working with others and giving away what I've received unconditionally, long term sobriety seems unlikely, if not impossible. The 12th step is where alcoholics and addicts have the opportunity to become truly useful once again, and as Don P. of Aurora, CO used to say, when such people lose that usefulness, they die.

Monday I went out on my first "commitment". This is an opportunity for members from one group to visit with another group and share their experiences. I'd never done one before, and when the chairperson for the group discovered this, he insisted that I be the first to speak. I shared from the podium for about 10 minutes or so in front of 40 or 50 folks. Not huge, but certainly enough to shake me up a bit, especially since this was my first time doing this. I tried to be clear about how nothing was effective in helping me (including meetings) until recovered addicts took the time and effort to work with me through the B.B., sharing their own experiences, and how they did what they did. The key, of course, was being willing enough to take on the responsibility of doing all the steps. And willingness is easy to come by when you're desperate enough. Afterward, several people thanked me, and one member of the group I was with even commented that I did well for someone who had never shared before... all encouraging feedback.

Wednesday, my sponsor and another member of our Boxborough meeting were invited back to the Plym0uth Hou5e to share our experience since we left. This is something I've been looking forward to for a while, since it feels like no expression of gratitude I could offer would adequately reflect what that place has meant to me. Going back was like going home. None of us wanted to bore the guests by droning on and on one after the other, so we did a round robin, each of us sharing first our experience before we got to the P. House, then what happened while we were there, and finally what life has been like since leaving. I didn't get to hear the experience of anyone who had recently left the P. House while I was there, and I hope we had something of value to offer. The guests were really engaged, asking great questions that we were happy to answer. I tried hard not to have any expectations about what the experience would be like, but I can honestly say that after it was all said and done, it far exceeded anything I could have hoped for. We were invited back any time we wanted, as "elite" alum. Nice to have a place like that to always be welcome.

Before the meeting, during the dinner conversation, we asked if there were any other facilities the staff knew of that are modeled similarly to the P. House. Interestingly, three places were mentioned: Burning Tree (not to be confused with Burn1ng Man) in Texas, The Retreat in Minnesota, and one in Connecticut. It also sounded like there's an effort to get one started outside Los Angeles. Amazing to me that more programs based specifically on the steps as they're described in the so-called basic text of A.A. don't exist.

We also got a sneak preview of some video that was shot to share with folks online a bit about what the P. House is about. It's a good start, but it seems difficult to capture exactly what is so unique about this place.